Who am i?

 I don’t know how to start a personal blog .This is my first time to write a blog like this.This blog is all about my thoughts, Feelings ,questions about life. I am a 19 year old woman who is trying to overcome the loop of thoughts that stays in her head.This seems nothing to anyone. But for me this blog is a new step of my new journey.  If you ask me who really am i, i may not have an answer because i don’t know either or i don’t know how to figure it out. I believe every individual in this world would have gone through this phase for once in a lifetime. In a particular phase of my life i used to get detached from people i was close with and also feel confused and unhappy! I always wonder why i was so heavy hearted and believe that life was like this! But eventually i start to gave space for myself and try to be kind to me. I was a person who always check upon others emotions on my actions rather than wondering how i feel about it or what i need from my life! I have then gradually developed a false belief that to became my best version i have to be perfect in all aspects of my life and eventually perfectionism starts to root in me and spread like a virus. I don’t realise how deep this behaviour of perfectionism will cost my peace! I remember the time when i used to spend life like a blessing or each day as a miracle..but as the thought of perfectionism get in my way i start to forget the beauty of life. I starts to get hard on myself without even my acknowledgement. I wanted to have everything perfect, even a slightest action or behaviour of mine starts to make me worry..and without even my notice my happiness starts to fade away. I starts to lose connection, i start to lose peace, i start to lose hope in my life itself. I starts to forget about what life really was and what life really meant to me! THAT THE GOAL WAS TO BE HAPPY.  I was afraid to face the fact that i was out of my control and had fell on to anxiety. I act like everything was fine when my heart was aching in silence, wishing a way to get out. But you know what, Life has it’s own magic..when you feel everything in your life is out of your control and you are alone life starts to play its magic. Life starts to show what we are really looking for, it will gave us the courage to face our own scars and wounds, it shows  the real villian of our own life -US! The one who was holding back everything out of fear and doubt, the one who believes life was always unfair .The only things we need to do is to gave a chance to life. Stop living your life for approval or acceptance.Accept yourself as who you are and embrace it.None of us are perfect and perfectionism is a kind of myth. From my experience what I’ve learnt was our imperfections makes us perfect.The things we see in ourselves as imperfect are the one that keeps us unique and authentic. Have fun , make mistakes and learn from it.Making mistakes and doing things that we love are not against any law .To love yourself is to know yourself. So what i’ve learn from my experience is that perfectionism is something that tells you that you are not enough no matter what , you need to be good than what you are currently doing.This kind of thought itself bring about pressure, self doubt and low self esteem. As a teen , i used to suffer from this a lot. It feels like i was unable to get out from it. But as i say life has its own magic , life starts to show up things that i really wanted to know . But the only thing we need to do willingly is to gave chance to life and to know that we are the only one responsible for our happiness and peace.People can do or say whatever they want, but most important is that how we react to them. Even in the hardest days we can stay calm by having a positive mindset. 

As i stuck in this loop, i reach rock bottom of my life-where i have no other option but to fight it back. I accept things that i’ve neglected for years, i started to have positive self talk even when i don’t believe it, i started to spend more time with nature and for my surprise this small kind of act made a big impact in my life. I see doors opening in the darkness of my mind and i’ve then realised that the only one who can get me to that door of happiness was only me-JUST ME!

This blog is not an end of this..it’s just a beginning of hope, happiness and belief. 

To those who are reading it , i just want to tell you that write down things, speak it out and have your own beliefs and opinions, there you will see the magic.